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Wednesday, March 31, 2010

10 Deadly Sins of Negative Thinking

Life could be so much better for many people, if they would just spot their negative thinking habits and replace them with positive ones.
Rata Penuh
Negative thinking, in all its many-splendored forms, has a way of creeping into conversations and our thinking without our noticing them. The key to success, in my humble opinion, is learning to spot these thoughts and squash them like little bugs. Then replace them with positive ones. You’ll notice a huge difference in everything you do.

Let’s take a look at 10 common ways that negative thinking emerges — get good at spotting these patterns, and practice replacing them with positive thinking patterns. It has made all the difference in the world for me.

10 Deadly Sins of Negative Thinking

1. I will be happy once I have _____ (or once I earn X).

Problem: If you think you can’t be happy until you reach a certain point, or until you reach a certain income, or have a certain type of house or car or computer setup, you’ll never be happy. That elusive goal is always just out of reach. Once we reach those goals, we are not satisfied — we want more.

Solution: Learn to be happy with what you have, where you are, and who you are, right at this moment. Happiness doesn’t have to be some state that we want to get to eventually — it can be found right now. Learn to count your blessings, and see the positive in your situation. This might sound simplistic, but it works.

2. I wish I were as ____ as (a celebrity, friend, co-worker).

Problem: We’ll never be as pretty, as talented, as rich, as sculpted, as cool, as everyone else. There will always be someone better, if you look hard enough. Therefore, if we compare ourselves to others like this, we will always pale, and will always fail, and will always feel bad about ourselves. This is no way to be happy.

Solution: Stop comparing yourself to others, and look instead at yourself — what are your strengths, your accomplishments, your successes, however small? What do you love about yourself? Learn to love who you are, right now, not who you want to become. There is good in each of us, love in each of us, and a wonderful human spirit in every one of us.

3. Seeing others becoming successful makes me jealous and resentful.

Problem: First, this assumes that only a small number of people can be successful. In truth, many, many people can be successful — in different ways.

Solution: Learn to admire the success of others, and learn from it, and be happy for them, by empathizing with them and understanding what it must be like to be them. And then turn away from them, and look at yourself — you can be successful too, in whatever you choose to do. And even more, you already are successful. Look not at those above you in the social ladder, but those below you — there are always millions of people worse off than you, people who couldn’t even read this article or afford a computer. In that light, you are a huge success.

4. I am a miserable failure — I can’t seem to do anything right.

Problem: Everyone is a failure, if you look at it in certain ways. Everyone has failed, many times, at different things. I have certainly failed so many times I cannot count them — and I continue to fail, daily. However, looking at your failures as failures only makes you feel bad about yourself. By thinking in this way, we will have a negative self-image and never move on from here.

Solution: See your successes and ignore your failures. Look back on your life, in the last month, or year, or 5 years. And try to remember your successes. If you have trouble with this, start documenting them — keep a success journal, either in a notebook or online. Document your success each day, or each week. When you look back at what you’ve accomplished, over a year, you will be amazed. It’s an incredibly positive feeling.

5. I’m going to beat so-and-so no matter what — I’m better than him. And there’s no way I’ll help him succeed — he might beat me.

Problem: Competitiveness assumes that there is a small amount of gold to be had, and I need to get it before he does. It makes us into greedy, back-stabbing, hurtful people. We try to claw our way over people to get to success, because of our competitive feelings. For example, if a blogger wants to have more subscribers than another blogger, he may never link to or mention that other blogger. However, who is to say that my subscribers can’t also be yours? People can read and subscribe to more than one blog.

Solution: Learn to see success as something that can be shared, and learn that if we help each other out, we can each have a better chance to be successful. Two people working towards a common goal are better than two people trying to beat each other up to get to that goal. There is more than enough success to go around. Learn to think in terms of abundance rather than scarcity.

6. Dammit! Why do these bad things always happen to me?

Problem: Bad things happen to everybody. If we dwell on them, they will frustrate us and bring us down..

Solution: See bad things as a part of the ebb and flow of life. Suffering is a part of the human condition — but it passes. All pain goes away, eventually. Meanwhile, don’t let it hold you back. Don’t dwell on bad things, but look forward towards something good in your future. And learn to take the bad things in stride, and learn from them. Bad things are actually opportunities to grow and learn and get stronger, in disguise.

7. You can’t do anything right! Why can’t you be like ____ ?

Problem: This can be said to your child or your subordinate or your sibling. The problem? Comparing two people, first of all, is always a fallacy. People are different, with different ways of doing things, different strengths and weaknesses, different human characteristics. If we were all the same, we’d be robots. Second, saying negative things like this to another person never helps the situation. It might make you feel better, and more powerful, but in truth, it hurts your relationship, it will actually make you feel negative, and it will certainly make the other person feel negative and more likely to continue negative behavior. Everyone loses.

Solution: Take the mistakes or bad behavior of others as an opportunity to teach. Show them how to do something. Second, praise them for their positive behavior, and encourage their success. Last, and most important, love them for who they are, and celebrate their differences.

8. Your work sucks. It’s super lame. You are a moron and I hope you never reproduce.

Problem: I’ve actually gotten this comment before. It feels wonderful. However, let’s look at it not from the perspective of the person receiving this kind of comment but from the perspective of the person giving it. How does saying something negative like this help you? I guess it might feel good to vent if you feel like your time has been wasted. But really, how much of your time has been wasted? A few minutes? And whose fault is that? The bloggers or yours? In truth, making negative comments just keeps you in a negative mindset.. It’s also not a good way to make friends.

Solution: Learn to offer constructive solutions, first of all. Instead of telling someone their blog sucks, or that a post is lame, offer some specific suggestions for improvement. Help them get better. If you are going to take the time to make a comment, make it worth your time. Second, learn to interact with people in a more positive way — it makes others feel good and it makes you feel better about yourself. And you can make some great friends this way. That’s a good thing.

9. Insulting People Back

Problem: If someone insults you or angers you in some way, insulting them back and continuing your anger only transfers their problem to you. This person was probably having a bad day (or a bad year) and took it out on you for some reason. If you reciprocate, you are now having a bad day too. His problem has become yours. Not only that, but the cycle of insults can get worse and worse until it results in violence or other negative consequences — for both of you.

Solution: Let the insults or negative comments of others slide off you like Teflon. Don’t let their problem become yours. In fact, try to understand their problem more — why would someone say something like that? What problems are they going through? Having a little empathy for someone not only makes you understand that their comment is not about you, but it can make you feel and act in a positive manner towards them — and make you feel better about yourself in the process.

10. I don’t think I can do this — I don’t have enough discipline. Maybe some other time..

Problem: If you don’t think you can do something, you probably won’t. Especially for the big stuff. Discipline has nothing to do with it — motivation and focus has everything to do with it. And if you put stuff off for “some other time”, you’ll never get it done. Negative thinking like this inhibits us from accomplishing anything.

Solution: Turn your thinking around: you can do this! You don’t need discipline. Find ways to make yourself a success at your goal. If you fail, learn from your mistakes, and try again. Instead of putting a goal off for later, start now. And focus on one goal at a time, putting all of your energy into it, and getting as much help from others as you can. You can really move mountains if you start with positive thinking.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

A Glass of Milk

One day, a poor boy was selling clothing door to door, to pay for his education realized that he only had ten cents left in his pockets. He was hungry and so decided to ask for some food at the next house that he came to.

In the meantime he lost his hunger when a beautiful young woman opened the door. Instead of a meal, he asked her for a glass of water.

She saw that he was very hungry so instead brought him a huge glass of milk. He drank it very slowly and then asked- « How much do I owe you? »
« You do not owe me anything at all », she replied:- « My mother taught us never to accept anything for doing someone a kindness».
He replied : « Then I thank you from the bottom of my heart ».

When Howard Kelly left the house, as well as feeling stronger physically, he sensed a return of his faith in the lord which he had nearly abandoned.

Years later, this same young woman fell gravely ill. The local doctors were mystified, so they sent her to the big city where they knew that the specialists would be able to diagnose this rare sickness.

Doctor Howard Kelly was called as a consultant. When he heard the name of the city where she lived, a memory burned brightly in his eyes.

He got up and went to her room. As he entered her room, he immediately recognized her. He returned to the consultation room, determined to do his best to save her life.

From that day on,he paid special attention to this case. After a long battle, the war was finally won

Doctor Kelly left instructions that the bill should be sent to him for authorization. He looked it over, wrote something in the margin, and sent it to her room.

Something caught her attention in the margin of the invoice.

She read these words: Paid in full with a glass of milk : Doctor Howard Kelly.

Tears of joy filled her eyes and her heart. She prayed :« Thank you lord, for your love has crossed the hands and hearts of man ».

There is a saying that goes like this:
Bread thrown over the water returns to you.

An act of goodness that you do today can come back to you or someone that you love, when you are not expecting it. If you do not see this act of goodness returned, at least you will have made a difference in this world. And in the end, isn’t that what life is all about?

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Set Yourself Up for Success

The Bible tells us that Daniel had an excellent spirit. If you study his life, you’ll find that he chose excellent friends. Do you know who he hung out with? Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego – the three Hebrew teenagers who refused to bow down to the king’s golden idol. It’s no wonder Daniel was a person of excellence. His friends were people of courage and integrity, people who wouldn’t compromise.

One of the best ways to set yourself up for success is to make sure the people you are choosing to spend time with have qualities that you want. Whether you realize it or not, the people you spend time with are rubbing off on you. Don’t think you can just sit in the lunchroom every day and listen to gossip and people badmouth the company and not be affected by it. Whether you join in or not, that poison is going inside of you. If you stay there long enough, more often than not, you’ll become a gossiper just like them. What’s the solution? Find somewhere else to eat lunch. Sit at a different table. Go outside. Yes, people may talk about you, they may think you’re odd, but you need to just rise above it. You have a destiny to fulfill. You are going places. You have to set yourself up for success by keeping that poison out of your life.

Psychologists tell us there is something called the “law of the group,” which means we associate with people according to the way we see ourselves. Have you ever noticed how, most of the time, people who gossip find other people who gossip? Negative people gravitate toward other negative people. Complainers seem to always find the other complainers. That’s where that saying “birds of a feather flock together” comes from. We find people just like us. Knowing this, I encourage you to evaluate your friendships. If your friends are all negative, tend to compromise, or settle for mediocrity, it’s time to get some new friends. The Bible tells us in Proverbs 13:20 that if you spend time with wise people, you will become wise. In the same way, if you spend time with victorious people, you will become victorious. If you spend time with successful people, you will become successful. So choose your friends carefully so you can set yourself up for success and be equipped to move forward in the destiny God has prepared for you!

by Joel Osteen

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Maya Angelou

In April, Maya Angelou was interviewed by Oprah on her 70+ birthday. Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older. And, there on television, she said it was 'exciting'.

Regarding body changes, she said there were many, occurring every day... like her breasts. They seem to be in a race to see which will reach her waist, first? The audience laughed so hard they cried. She is such a simple and honest woman, with so much wisdom in her words!??

Maya Angelou said this:
I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.

I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.

I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as 'making a life'.

I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.

I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back.

I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.

I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.

I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.

I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.