A grandfather overheard his granddaughter repeating the alphabet in reverent, hushed tones.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
There were two brothers, 8 and 10 years old, who were exceedingly mischievous. Whatever went wrong in the neighborhood, it turned out they had had a hand in it. Their parents were at their wits' end trying to control them. Hearing about a priest nearby who worked with delinquent boys, the mother suggested to the father that they ask the priest to talk with the boys. The father agreed.
The mother went to the priest and made her request.
He agreed, but said he wanted to see the younger boy first and alone.
So the mother sent him to the priest.
The priest sat the boy down across from him at a huge impressive desk.
For about five minutes they just sat and stared at each other.
Finally, the priest pointed his forefinger at the boy and asked, "Where is God?"
The boy looked under the desk, in the corners of the room, all around, but said nothing.
Again, louder, the priest pointed at the boy and asked, "Where is God?"
Again the boy looked all around but said nothing.
A third time, in a louder, firmer voice, the priest leaned far across the desk and put his forefinger almost to the boy's nose, and asked, "Where is God?"
The boy panicked and ran all the way home.
Finding his older brother, he dragged him upstairs to their room and into the closet, where they usually plotted their mischief.
He finally said, "We are in BIG trouble."
The older boy asked, "What do you mean, 'BIG trouble'?"
His brother replied, "God is missing and they think we did it!"
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I though you said I had another 40 years?"
God replied, "I didn't recognize you."
"Dear God, please take care of my daddy and my mommy and my sister and my brother and my doggy and me.
Oh, please take care of yourself, God. If anything happens to you, we're gonna be in a big mess."
